Work Work Work Work Work damn it.

I bet any guy 5$ that every single time someone asks me "what are you doing?", I reply with "working" or "nothing".


But that is all I do! Monday through Saturday night is me working. The only chance you can see me is if you go to my work or catch me on Sunday. I hate it. I'm only 20 and I have no life. 


It's understandable that you have to work to make money, but I don't ever see the money I make. Its calculated out before I even finish the week. 


And who the hell wants to do anything on Sunday anyways? That's lazy day for me. 
Not like I would have the energy to do anything on another day. 
By 8pm I'm ready to go to bed. 


Isnt that ridiculous? I know I'm not the only one who sees something wrong here. 
Where is my time? Can I have fun? 


I can't even enjoy a Saturday at home without having to worry about when work stuff is going to come in. 
I'm always stressing out, always getting yelled at for something. It's never a good day. 


I know life isn't fun, work is work. "hey, at least you have a job".


Yeah yeah. 






You deal with my life for a month and try to keep my composure. 
I'd like to see it. 

Lets back up and rephrase this.

What I am really trying to say is that I'm growing up. 

There are certain awkward phases that all of us go through. Mine just happens to be the "grow the hell up" phase. Where you're not 18 anymore. Its not new and exciting. You don't get away with the things you did anymore. When you're perfectly content sitting in a smoky garage sharing stories rather than seeing what show or party is this weekend. 

Look at me, thinking like i'm old again. 

But that's all I can do anymore. Think like an adult. 

I guess when life slaps you in the face with one crappy thing after another, that's all you can do. 

But the thing is, all of this change in myself is bringing change to everything else. 

My emotions are up the fucking wall, but thats from a variety of things. 

In a way I guess I need this. I need to rid myself of reoccurring troubles. Meaning friends, lifestyles, etc. I've realized that I'll lose friends in the process of this. That I'll have to get over eventually. 

My problem is, I don't think of others. Their feelings anyways. 

I've always been like this though. One day i'll be in a huge argument with you, the next day i'll act like it never happened. 

Basically I'm a bitch. 

At the same time, I can be the most generous person ever. 

My dad always tells me "Cortni, sometimes you need to put yourself first."

I couldn't do that if I tried. I always let someone come first. Haha

I guess I rely too much on my bitchy exterior. 

But it would be different. It would. I think one of my main issues is who I surround myself with. Not saying anything is bad about them (LOL), but I never think about my own friends. 

I had that once. But being in a relationship includes sharing, and damn it... Nick and I share everything down to socks. 

Not that I mind. I wouldn't be here without him. I need my own friends again. In a sense. 

What I mean is, I need my own clique of other vaginas I can bitch and moan to. 

Out with the old, In with the new I guess.

Who ever breaks down my walls are worth the effort in the end. 

I just need to let go of some people in order to advance with my own life. 

Home Sweet Home.

Nick and I are going to be headed back to my parent's house soon. We've both have been going through our own personal issues on top of the everyday shit that happens to us. 

The radiator in our car was ruined on Wednesday. Nick already got us "assistance" for the week and this happens?! So there went another 100+ $ that we don't really have. 
That's just one more thing we had to deal with. It's like one thing after another with us, it's not like we're horrible people or anything ya know? 


I don't understand how life works sometimes. Not that anyone really does. 
Why do all of the good people get shit on? What about the killers and rapists? 
Can someone answer my questions? 


Anyone?


So yeah, Nick and I should be going back to my parents within a week I would say. 
I'm more than ready for that. I miss my dad and my mom more than ever. 
I think it will give Nick and I a really good time period to get our shit together not only financially, but also emotionally. 


Plus, who doesn't like waking up on a Saturday to good ol' mom and dad's breakfast?!



 

Because It applies too:

How crazy..

Facepalm

The only time I have to myself is at work, when everyone leaves early. 
So i take advantage of that..


Today, 
"Guido" (boss) left early for errand in St. Auggie, and the handyman finally left. 
So I started blasting music like normally.
Since I handle customer service calls, I get interrupted every 5-10 mins. It always happens while i'm enjoying part of my day >.>


That's not the worst part.


I happened to be in a singing mood today.
(You can tell where I'm going with this)
I was singing along to Head over Feet by Alanis Morissette.
The thing with that is, ha, it was karaoke version.
Really. 
So i'm belting this song out to myself, working and what-not..
When out of nowhere I hear "Hello..?"


It was the Fedex guy...and he was black!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not racist. I just know that he probably doesn't know who Alanis Morissette even is. It wasn't even the cool black Fedex guy either, it was some new guy. 
He smiled really awkwardly at me and said "I didn't think anyone was here"
I was horribly embarrassed. 


I'll leave you with this:
I hope we don't have to mail anything again for a lonnnngggg time.  

Random Doodle Time #1

I drew this last night. I got lazy after a while, you can tell. 

Moneys on my mind, so money is all I think of.

So today's just one of those days. 
One of those days when you over think everything.
Nick's band is doing really good. Which makes me think of all of the things bands do..like touring..
Let's just say i'm not "jive" to that idea. Do you know how much you make when you first start touring? You don't want to know. I hope they like ramen. Carlos better bring some spices. 
Nick is the one who drives and takes care of the little bills we do have. I just hand him the money and let him take care of it. I'm going to be "beside myself" as Valerie would say. 
What about me man? I want to go to college. I've got major baking to do in my life in order to be Cupcake Boss. Being a young adult and a Taurus is NOT the best mix. (That goes for Nick and I) Nick and I are going through all sorts of things we never expected to happen. New friends, scratching off old friends, trying to get a place, my hours being cut, oh god I could go on. 
I feel as if we got 1 way tickets to the twilight zone. 


Nick keeps telling me to quit acting 30. 
It's probably because I keep complaining about turning 20 this year. 
It's not like I'm old, I'm just disappointed. I wasted a lot of time instead of setting myself up for today. That makes sense right? 


If i'm already in the twilight zone, can I at least have fun with it?